Take 2: Arranging a Bride…
This second part was long due but couldn’t commit self to it because there were enough worldly obligations around to corrupt my mind and soul. The eagerly anticipated sequel is going to be masaledaar, loaded with twists & dead ends and based on true misadventures of a boy (now a man). I still don’t understand why do people are fascinated by such plots, which provide them a peek-a-boo into the lives of other famous beings (...okay, let me be famous for this). Guess voyeurism has been a favorite time pass since the beginning of the mankind, only this time I am serving it.
It’s been a gap of good two years since the time I wrote my first blog on this debatable subject and lot has happened since then like… Now I am two years older, have been relocated to Delhi from Bangalore and recession is almost over. What have not changed much are my work designation and the fact that I am still unmarried (Sigh …having said this publicly I am feeling lot relieved). Being unmarried at this age (have seen 29 monsoons) is like committing sin and the charges leveled against me, by my relatives, are non bail able even at the Apex court. It’s not like I am not ready for marriage but the fear of starting my third innings with a strange partner (remember… my flop love assignments) puts me to scrutinize lot many things in a potential life partner. It can be about education, job, her nature, commitment, looks, height, figure (come on …to desire is male), etc, though I have lowered my benchmarks for all the selection criteria. So I am all ready to compromise but guess my dream girl is still not around or not ready to compromise for me… (damn ...my charm).
If I am not content with a girl’s profile (bio-data + picture) I don’t take it to next level but this comes with ‘conditions apply*’ sometimes when the ‘Rishta’ has come from your extended relations and you are being ‘*white-mailed’ to meet the girl or her guardians. To confess, till date, I have not met a girl / her guardians of my choice confido. The series of meeting started in the summinters of November 2009, I was in Delhi for one of my events and one fine day my mother told, “Annu, you are supposed to meet this girl (with family) from Gorakhpur”. I had no choice but to follow the ‘farmaan’ and no one came to my rescue, even my friends dodged to accompany me for the pre-nuptial meeting. The meeting was being coordinated by her brother and after several calls we decided to meet at a mall in West Delhi. Later her brother told me that he would join us late and I am supposed to coordinate with the mother-in-law (to be). The final scene opens in the mall and, it’s still vivid in my memories, as I approached the meeting point I saw a tall girl (in high heels), standing in opposite direction flaunting impressively long hair, talking to two ladies (her mother and bhaabi). I was like is she the girl? All it was getting filmy and it felt that DDLJ music was playing in the background. I gathered my senses, walked up to them, introduced myself and started talking. We discussed lot of things over snacks and I made it a point to pay the food bills. The family was nice and liberal, interestingly her brother had a love marriage with a Chinese girl (I was like ohh! man ...truly, love knows no boundaries, etc.). Soon her brother joined us and we five were all set for another round of fillings, this time her brother made a point to foot the bill and we settled the score. During this odd two hours long meeting I felt that the girl had started liking me but I was not ready to accept her in the way I should. I don’t know but she was not the girl with whom I could have pictured my life together. Actually you may not tell the exact reasons in such cases (like your crashed… job interviews). So, I had decided that the search was still on and in fact I was really sad, when I said ‘No’ to her mother for the ‘Rishta’. She was a lovely human being and wish she would have settled in life, with a man of her dreams.
The story moved on to next assignment, which happened with a girl’s maama ji in Bangalore. He was travelling to the city for some family function and would have decided to scrutinize ‘my candidature’ for her ‘bhaanji’. I told my parent’s, “I am least interested till the time I am comfortable with the girl’s bio and photographs” but again I was told she’s beautiful, hails from a very well-to-do ‘khaandan’ etc., and they would share the girl’s details after the meeting. So here I was at it again, lunching out with two strangers (girl’s maama ji and friend) and trying to be a gentleman in the company of two cosmo old men. Few days later I received a mail about the girl’s details and unluckily she was not the ‘One’.
Amidst all this, the online ‘Bride Hunting’ had become my routine job and I was checking over 40 profiles daily in the evening (after finishing my office work). It was certainly consuming a lot of time, energy but was equally committed because I was sure that this investment would give me results – manifold. I liked number of profiles and rejected number of profiles. Still remember a case, where I liked a girl’s profile and expressed my interest on it. She accepted my contact and I was going to be in Delhi for a short, zippy official visit (back then, I was in Bangalore). I sent a message to her, “I am in Delhi…, let’s meet to understand each other better and take this further.” Any guesses about her reply, she wrote, “Look I am seriously looking for marriage, not interested in dating.” I was aghast and replied, “Don’t tell me that in your family marriages still happens without seeing and talking to each other. I am here only for marriage and know suave, smart excuses for dating girls, I believe marriage is a serious relationship and we should know each other well before taking the plunge, which would happen only after meeting and speaking to each other”. Folks, just imagine, you have people searching partners on internet but have reservations to an extent of fooling themselves.
And akin all movie dramas, my mother is the most worried about my marriage and I have to answer her on all my rejections while my younger brother Manu supports my cases, practically. And supposedly my support system – my friends, don’t miss a single opportunity to scandalize my case with choicest of comments like - ‘Abey Buddhey hoke shaadi karoge kyaa...’, ‘I hope you are straight’, ‘Don’t look for models or beauty queens, be grounded’ …et all and I have no choice but to pretend that I take them seriously.
Let us move to case no. 4, which was supposedly going well till the time her parents expressed otherwise. I am not able to recall how we got introduced, was either through news paper matrimony or a matrimonial website, but we both liked each other’s profile. She was working in Bangalore with a software company. We started talking over phone, through messages and finally decided to meet. This was the first time when I was meeting a girl minus her family or mine. We decided to see each other at a mall (normally all modern ‘Arrange Rishtas’ begin from multiplexes / malls / coffee joints) and carried a company this time (a yellow flower for the girl). She was good looking and we hit it instantly. She turned out to be more liberal and that made me more demanding (don’t fan your imagination mates). We decided to shift our base to a quiet place and headed towards ‘Barista’ in a five-star hotel. The Q& A round begins over my fave coffee, she appeared to be little jittery while I tried best to hide my nervousness. The coffee session was not enough to satiate our appétit and we moved to a ‘bowling lounge’, in the hotel’s basement, in the quest of baking a marriageable relation. She hardly had his hands on this ‘German’ game and I was all ready to coach her for a good time. We were enjoying each other’s company, offered her a beer (she politely said ‘No’, while she confessed her love for vodka… though sometimes) and in turn she told me to have one. Amazingly we never realized when we had spent 3-4 hours together. The longest time I had spent ever with a stranger in ‘The pursuit of marriage’. It was about 9 in the night and she had to return to her P.G. I walked her till the nearest bus-stop and while waiting for the bus, I told her, “We had a good time but we need more time to know each other, perhaps it requires a second, final meeting.” She smiled and said, “I agree, we should catch up soon”. Her bus arrived, she boarded, we waved bye to each other without knowing that this was our first and last meeting.
The next case was no different; my maama ji came across a girl’s profile through a distant relation and was following it up with the girl’s maama ji. I didn’t know much about her except the details provided in the profile and two photographs, which was not very convincing. While I was still considering my next step, it came to my knowledge that the girl’s maama ji wanted to pay an unofficial visit to my home and meet my parents. I protested and was equally condemned by family for being so narcissist. The meeting happened successfully and my family waved a green flag (almost similar to a ‘danger’ alarm for me). The girl’s brother started following up with me and we decided to meet in Lucknow during the first week of June, 2011. Her brother wanted to plan this meeting in Kanpur along with my mother and father, which I politically and practically refused. Meeting my prospective ‘wife’ at my home town with family would have come with loads of emotional baggage and Instant expectations. So on a sunny Saturday, I travelled directly to Lucknow, my brother joined me from Kanpur and we met at a Mall (where else could it had been possible). The girl’s family came with a bigger delegation (girl, brother, bhaabi and a kid) and soon everybody excused us for a personal discussion. She was a ‘small-town girl’, well brought up, about to finish his PG, aspiring professor and supposedly a great home-maker. While I knew my answer well before this meeting, I took (and equally gave) this entire pain one for my family and two to review my elementary Impression. After all, I am famous for making wrong decisions. We left for respective destinations and I told my family that she is not ‘the girl’. I sensed that my mother would not be comfortable in conveying this so I took the responsibility (of talking to ‘Sidhharth’ ). Just imagine a would be ‘groom’ saying ‘No’ to his would be ‘brother-in-law’ about the ‘Rishta’ after such a heavy family encounter and long family affair. I was so ‘emotionally chained’ and at loss of words that it took my all moral and social values to make that one last call to his brother. The pressure from my family & relatives was so immense that I might have given into it without being confident and certain this time.
The latest case happened in the month of July and has its unique characteristics to be included in this discussion. The girl was working with a news channel in Noida and we were approached by the girl’s mother (courtesy online matrimony). We shared the details, her mother spoke to my mother, apparently my mother was really impressed from her, and they even started talking about engagement and other marriage functions, places, etc. This time, I was not convinced but not against the girl’s profile also (such condition should be termed as ‘groom confusionism’). So, we had a first call on a Thursday night, which continued rather long (over an hour). This girl was really impressive to talk; she had this gift to guess two or more things about you over a conversation. I want to say that her experience would empower her to judge people with 80% precision but she also had this ‘Me’ thing about her, she was a state-level sports person, a news anchor, acted in two-three Punjabi video albums, etc., etc. By the end of our conversation, I was feeling dwarfed in front of her achievements. Finally, we decided to see each other on a weekend at a coffee shop (you got it right, mate) with a precondition (from the girl’s side) that both would declare the ‘marriageablity test’ results right there. I was like that’s gone too bold. She came along with her younger brother (both were flaunting weird chemistry, unlike brother-sister duo). And eventually the judgment-moment arrived, she waved a green signal and I stammered a red. Perhaps, my verdict didn’t go well with the pretty lady and she started saying things like, 'Nobody has never dare say ‘No’ to me’, ‘You would lament your decision later – ek baar fir soch lo’, and even accused me of already being in a relationship with another girl. I was little scared of her allegations, tried to manage the situation but she continued her hostile behavior. I kept mum till the time she left and warned my mother of taking any call from the girl or her mother. And yeah, I did make a wish to the almighty to get her dream man fast. God bless you, lady!
It’s difficult to fall in love with an ‘arrange marriage’ girl in a first sight or meeting, perhaps that love could also be discovered after the marriage but then in anticipation of this love-chemistry I can’t risk a life-time decision. I know am choosy but my selection, most of the times, is as good or bad as other’s acceptance / rejection. I keep getting Interest messages and proposals but now the demographics have swinged to Women’s in their 30s instead of girls of my age. These proposals come from all walks of life, places like MP to Rajasthan, from divorcees to issue-less and from ambitious feminist to job-less. Well, it does surprise me but I always give respect to the feelings of the other person. I strongly believe that this Online matrimony culture have spoilt the wannabe brides and grooms with online profiles. The result is we are never confident about the available prospective life-partners and most of the times ignore them in quest of the ‘Perfect Bride’, which we think would find on spate of matrimony portals boasting message like “We have thousands of matching profiles waiting exclusively for you”. Though it has empowered us in expressing ourselves or giving liberty to choose our ‘soul mate’ but it has taken away the a precious thing from us - Time. I am sure if we conduct a survey on people registered with the matrimony portals and finding a suitable match with the help of such sites, we would discover that the ‘Age of marriage’ for all those men / women will be older than those of getting married normally. I so wish if there could be a ‘Groom helpline’ on the lines of nationwide ‘Women helpline’. ‘We’ the ‘groom population’ need it much desperately than any other minority community to save the human race... (And it’s not a Hollywood dialogue).
Back to my case, the hunt is still on and I am committed to it. My next and final series would come post my marriage, which should cover my experiences from a real marriage, reveal some hidden truths and daring facts about a social, physical and emotional confluence ‘marriage’.
... Annu
